Feedback

Tonight we visited the high school to discuss next year's courses for one kid, and ran into several people who hadn't heard the official word that she had passed away. One of them, a neurologist, simply held my hand and said, "I am so sorry. There's no easy way to live through this." And that was all he had to say. It was enough.

You know, that was really wonderful. I didn't have to exchange platitudes about how she is "in a better place" or some well-meaning "I'm sure it will ease in time." Yes, both of those phrases are true (and I have even said them!) But what our friend said was just enough...

Afterwards, a school counselor caught me and told me that our kid had been in twice to talk to her since Thanksgiving and was in a grief group during lunch. She said, "I offered, she accepted. I hope that is OK." I said, "yes, she asked us what we thought and we encouraged it." The counselor said, "you are doing a great job - she tells the group how you process grief together and I can't thank you enough for trying to do that. I know it's hard."

I don't know as we have really 'done' much -- we talk. We look at pictures. Sometimes we cry. And then we go about the rest of the day...

But, the feedback really helped me know that she's doing OK, and we're doing OK too. I feel a bit of relief. We are a "public family" since I am in the ministry, and I know people watch to see "how does the pastor handle it." A little bruised and battle-weary, but we're doing OK.

Hallelujah.

The kids...

So I took the kids to see her for the first time since she got out of the hospital. In a little over two weeks, there has been a shocking change. I guess I didn't see how BIG a change until I saw her through their eyes....

Mom. She can't close her mouth. And was she drooling?
Mom. She doesn't finish her sentences.
Mom. Why won't she walk?
Mom. She's not eating very much.

The unspoken statement was practically shouting in the silence... How long does she have??
And my unspoken answer... We don't know...

It was hard. Hard to hold back my tears in the face of theirs. Hard to explain how the body gives up life in stages. Hard to express words of hope and trust in a time of a certain end.

I explained hospice. I introduced them to the social worker. Their assessment: "She is so ditzy." (Yeah. They are right. She is!) They want to make cookies for the nursing staff.

I knew I had to be there to help them walk this road through the valley of the shadow... but it was incredibly difficult.

Thanks be to God for words and courage when I need it.

Thanks be to God...

Thanks...

School Daze

I just sent #2 child off to school. We had a tearful evening. She is quiet and withdrawn this morning. I don't want to "helicopter parent" but I would also like her teachers to cut her a break if she's not 100%. So I emailed and told them the situation. That was at midnight last night.

This morning as I wait for caffeine to kick in before I head to work, I find four (out of seven) teachers have already emailed me, assuring me of support and availability.

And such kindness moves me to tears...

Hanging on by a wing and a prayer...

me