Tissues

The unexpected kindness of others moves me to tears. A friend came by with a plate of cookies and a little box full of pocket tissues. She said that when her dad was in hospice, she remembered crying in the oddest places and never having a tissue, so she always resolves to buy a bunch for friends who are in the midst of pre-grief or grief. She said, "sprinkle them in every purse, pocket and car."

Consider them sprinkled, friend...

and thanks...

Oh God.

I don't know if I can take this.

Work. Ministry. Laundry. Dishes. Leaves. Shopping. Hospice.

And now, cleaning out her house.

I dissolve into a puddle of tears for seemingly no reason. Yet we all know it is a big reason. It is pre-grieving.

And it sucks.

tears...

I don't think I have cried so much in one week. My eyelids are puffy. My nose is stuffy. My throat is aching from the sobbing.

I even went and bought cucumbers to slice and put on my eyes... I'm not sure that it did anything, mind you. Maybe buying the super-soft-lotion-tissues are what really helped. And cool washcloths as I fall into bed at night.

The grief and the impending loss is really getting to me. How long until she dies? No one knows. Are we wrong to allow her to choose hospice over aggressive treatment? I don't know.

I am so tired of crying. So tired.