Thursday, January 28, 2010

Feedback

Tonight we visited the high school to discuss next year's courses for one kid, and ran into several people who hadn't heard the official word that she had passed away. One of them, a neurologist, simply held my hand and said, "I am so sorry. There's no easy way to live through this." And that was all he had to say. It was enough.

You know, that was really wonderful. I didn't have to exchange platitudes about how she is "in a better place" or some well-meaning "I'm sure it will ease in time." Yes, both of those phrases are true (and I have even said them!) But what our friend said was just enough...

Afterwards, a school counselor caught me and told me that our kid had been in twice to talk to her since Thanksgiving and was in a grief group during lunch. She said, "I offered, she accepted. I hope that is OK." I said, "yes, she asked us what we thought and we encouraged it." The counselor said, "you are doing a great job - she tells the group how you process grief together and I can't thank you enough for trying to do that. I know it's hard."

I don't know as we have really 'done' much -- we talk. We look at pictures. Sometimes we cry. And then we go about the rest of the day...

But, the feedback really helped me know that she's doing OK, and we're doing OK too. I feel a bit of relief. We are a "public family" since I am in the ministry, and I know people watch to see "how does the pastor handle it." A little bruised and battle-weary, but we're doing OK.

Hallelujah.

3 comments:

Songbird said...

It's hard when the news moves out slowly and people take you back to the initial loss. Blessings to you as you continue through this process.
I want to welcome you to RevGalBlogPals and hope the community will be one of support for you.

Mary Beth said...

Welcome to RevGals. I have read back through your posts...exquisitely put and I am grateful that you have shared this experience.

Blessings.

Ivy said...

I am sorry for your lose. BTW, I too am in the East, now at seminary at the Gettysburg Lutheran Seminary. Your profile didn't say where you are or what denomination. I understand if you don't want to share. My email is impmgauvin@gmail.com. God hold you close my sister.