So we went to see family and had a second memorial service. It was good to have the service, but just when I felt like I could get through the day without a crying jag, we have to go back through this knee-high muck of pain and loss.
I told one family member that it was what I had heard families say when they had two memorial services, particularly when someone is buried at Arlington National Cemetery and you have to "wait in line" for the caisson. It just brings up all of the old "stuff."
And it sucks.
The Christmas tree is still up. The lights are still on outside. Of course it's minus-something-awful with the windchill, so who the heck is going to take lights down. Let 'em shine on the snow and blow in the wind. But I don't have the energy to deal with the inside stuff. I need to clear it out and de-clutter but I don't feel like it. I guess it's because it was such a struggle to get everything UP that I don't want to take it DOWN.
New Year's Eve I went to bed at 11. I was too tired to stay awake. The kids stayed up and reported that they fell asleep before the ball dropped.
Now the kids are back in school. The house seems empty when they are away at activities (and the older one is back at college.) We spent a lot of time doing nothing together - watching football on TV, playing a few games... mostly just being. I needed that change of pace from crazy-crazy-crazy.
I know that emotional exhaustion is a killer when it comes to having physical energy. This is just a reminder.
Bleah. Whoop-dee-doo. Happy New Year.
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