pain management

This was one of the most brutal mornings yet.

We walked in to find her in PAIN!!!! Serious, writing, moaning, PAIN where she couldn't stop to look at us and tell us where she was hurting. She is no longer verbal. She is unable to communicate at all except occasionally with her eyes. Even then, we feel like we are guessing.

We were in tears by the time the pain was knocked off (TWO doses of morphine) and her face slacked and she slept.

The problem with brain cancer is that when your speech goes, you can no way to say MORPHINE NOW, DAMMIT.

And we also had to educate the nursing staff on some (what we thought were) common sense measures... That if she refuses to eat, don't force feed her. Sure, if she wants ice cream. But.. no nasty vitamin drops disguised in applesauce. No taking her blood pressure and waking her up when she is sound asleep.

The only thing harder than knowing the person we know is "gone" is that we know she is in pain...

Psalm 102

A prayer of an afflicted person who has grown weak and pours out a lament before the LORD.

¹ Hear my prayer, LORD;
let my cry for help come to you.

² Do not hide your face from me
when I am in distress.
Turn your ear to me;
when I call, answer me quickly.

³ For my days vanish like smoke;
my bones burn like glowing embers.

⁴ My heart is blighted and withered like grass;
I forget to eat my food.

⁵ In my distress I groan aloud
and am reduced to skin and bones.

⁶ I am like a desert owl,
like an owl among the ruins.

⁷ I lie awake; I have become
like a bird alone on a roof.

Oh God... hear her prayer... hear our prayer... take her home.

Amen.